Wingman

Nope, we are not going to discuss Top Gun today (and if you don’t get that reference, stop reading and go watch the movie).  I am watching Glee, and it made me think of a group of friends. I know very few people who are complete and utter loners (although some should be).  We, as people, always seem to be seen in a group of usually 4or 5 best friends. I am not talking about people with whom you see at parties. I am talking about people you would call to help hide the bodies and give you an alibi. Some you may have known since childhood. Others you might have met at school.  Mine, I have met online. It doesn’t matter where you meet them. The important thing is that you have bonded with them.  You would trust them not only with your life (because in a zombie attack your ass is your own problem) but also with your secrets and your books.

Now, in most groups, each member has a role. There is the Overachiever—you know the one who has to be the best and is usually the one everyone looks to for answers.  Every group needs this one to help with legal questions and sometimes for the moral ones as well. Is it okay to hate someone just because they are wearing white after Labor Day? You know the important questions in life.

Next up is the one who tries to keep everyone out of jail; otherwise, known as the Sensible One. This person is sometimes confused with the overachiever, but they are separate positions.  The overachiever knows the answers, but the sensible one weighs the options and then proceeds to try and convince everyone that confronting the idiot who said Chris Hemsworth is just okay and that he is not nearly as hot as Robert Pattinson is not worth going to jail for.

We also have the Mastermind.  This one is usually absorbed by crime novels and watches every episode of 20/20, 48 hours and Dateline. This friend helps plan the revenge on the cheating ex and the girlfriend. They usually have all the things needed for any eventuality in the trunk of their car. You know rope, handcuffs (not the fun kind), chloroform, plastic sheeting, duct tape…………….

The Trouble, oh how we love this one. This friend is the one you have to cut off after a few drinks or hide the tequila from. This one is usually set in the corner or in the center so they can be held back from getting into a fight or verbal altercation with the waitress because she looked at your boyfriend or smiled at the hottie you were all admiring.

The Daring One—We all wish we were more like this friend. Everyone is careful what they say around this friend because she will do her best to make you happy. You say you want some guy’s number and, before you know it, she has excused herself to go to the restroom and, when she comes back, she has his number for you. This is the friend who has charm and charisma and is not afraid to use them.

The scariest one of all is the one I like to call Silent But Deadly. They may look all sweet and innocent, but they know every way to kill you with a spork. This friend has everyone fooled except those who know her best. She can charm you with a smile while plotting your demise.

Next up is the one who makes everyone relax. Every group needs this person—the Goofy, Fun Loving Friend. This person convinces everyone that we are here for the party and not to let the bitches piss us off. Most think that this friend is just a piece of fluff, but they normally are the ones who take things to heart. They just don’t let it show. Later, they will take a moment and let it all go, but they know the importance of laughter in the heat of battle.

Now most groups have either these roles or a few other variations on this theme.  Now for the big question, which friend are you?

Sinfully Sarcastic,
Shmuttmeister