Monday, 22 July 2013
Mia's Top 10 Pervy Pranks
Mia’s Top 10 Perverted Pranks to Play on Visiting Pals
(Try saying that five times fast. Even better, say it sixty-nine times.)
Hi. My name is Mia, and I am a perv. To be exact, I’m a Righteous Perv—because I’m extra cool and extra perverse. Now as some of you may know, my BFF/P.I.A./Beta is Tina, who just happens to be the Leader of my favorite group of Pervs. Yes, I’m talking about you. Tina is also the Queen of Hotties and the Empress of Porn. But those are different topics for different days.
Today, my focus is on her perviness.
Why, you ask? Well, Tina is coming to my town. And she’s staying in my home with me and my family. (Bless her heart. I don’t know how she’ll survive it.) While she’s here, I’m sure some serious freak flags will be flying because we won’t be able to behave. We never do. It’s just not possible for us. Besides, what fun would it be to have a perv—the Leader of the Pervs, no less—at my house and not be bad?
Now, I know where your mind went, and I think you deserve a spanking for thinking such thoughts. I’m not talking about getting down and dirty in the bedroom with Tina. See, I love her to pieces. And my husband… Well, I couldn’t love him more. And everyone knows how much I love writing ménages. But in reality, I don’t share. I’m selfish that way. Again, though, that’s another story for another day.
Today, my attention is turned toward ways to torment Tina and her perviness.
What brought this blog on? Well, it’s all Tina’s fault. Yes, I live by the When all else fails, blame the P.I.A. rule. When I called Tina in a panic because I hadn’t written my blog, she suggested I write a list for the ‘Top 10 Ways to Convert a Friend to a Pervert.’ As she always does, she gets me all juiced up on the idea. I’m like, “Oh! I can say this, and I can say that. And how about (fill in the blank)? Oh yeah…” Blah, blah, blah.
Then…dun, dun, dun…everything changed.
How, you ask? Well, we hung up the phone.
Once I was left to my own devices, the wheels started churning and turning in my head. And the next thing I know I’m thinking about naughty things I can do to a friend. Not that, you pervalicious heathen! The prospect of possible naughtiness with friends led my diabolical brain to thoughts of pranks, which sent me spiraling into the Pervy Prank Zone. Now that I’m hanging out in the PPV, I decided it would be funny to share some ideas for perverse pranks. With Tina visiting me in less than three weeks, I couldn’t have chosen a better time to create the ‘Top 10 Perverted Pranks to Play on Visiting Pals.’
So check it out…
Top 10 Perverted Pranks to Play on Visiting Pals
1. Sneak into the bathroom and open the Shampoo and Conditioner bottles. Pour all of the smelly-good fluid into two separate containers. (*Note: In order to keep from creating unnecessary waste and spending money willy-nilly without just cause, make sure to keep the liquid for your own personal use.) After you have set that aside, pour your favorite flavored lube into the shampoo bottle. Because of the thick, gooey nature, flavored lube is more appropriate. After that, fill the conditioner bottle with anal lube. Yes, anal lube. I chose it specifically because of the greasy texture. When you are through, twist the lids back on and return the bottles to the shower (if that’s where you keep them).
2. While you have a friendly guest, you know that chances are they will need to wash their clothes at some point—unless they are Paris Hilton. Then that’s a little different. But in most cases, your pal will need to have something cleaned. So here’s what you do… Stick their clothes in the washer. Once they’ve been run through the appropriate cycles, pull the items out and claim that your dryer is ‘broken.’ What happens if you’re dryer is broken? A trip to the clothes line. But of course, you don’t have clothes pins. You have nipple clamps.
3. Bon appetit! People need to eat. Right? Well, here’s an alternative to ‘Spaghetti Night’ for your family and friend: Make Penironi Pasta with Marinara and Italian Sausage. No, I don’t mean Giorgio Difeo. You’re good, but you’re not that good. Now here’s the twist…You may only use Pervertible kitchen utensils. For example, a wooden spoon is good. Spanking, anyone? While a kitchen mandoline is bad. Trip to the ER, wackjob?
4. Lights! Cameras! Bow-chicka-wow-wow Action! It’s Saturday night, which in my house is date night. Now my hubby and I love to see movies on date night. So if you have a visitor, this is what you do… Suggest that you, your pal, and hubby watch a movie. Of course, you have the ‘perfect’ movie because it’s one of your ‘favorites.’ But…Oops! You accidentally forget to mention that it’s an adult film. So the three of you sit down on your couch. (*Note: Make sure that you squeeze your hubby between the two of you.) It’s time to click play. And “Ohhhhh, yessssss…” You have quite the action flick. To increase the perv-factor, use a film that has two females and one male. You’ll have endless lewd comments. And if you’re feeling particularly cruel, look to your friend and whisper, “You can look, but you can’t touch. He’s mine.” With some luck on your side, your pal will have forgotten to bring her own little ‘friends’ to play with after the lights have gone down…in the guest room.
5. As much fun as can be had amongst pervy friends, you guys will have to sleep some time. So before your friend shows up on your doorstep, switch the pure, innocent, virginal, vanilla sheets on your guest bed to the naughty, wicked, x-rated SportSheet Bondage Bedsheet. Then after your friend arrives, have all the fun you can. You want to wear her out. That way when she sleeps, she’ll be out like a light. One night during her stay, sneak into the guest room and restrain your pal. Boy, will she be in for a surprise when she wakes up.
6. Yeah right…
7. like I’m going to…
8. spill all my ideas…
9. on a blog…
10. before my pervy pal, Tina, comes to play!
Feel free to spank me later for leaving you hanging. XOXOXO!
Much love and lots of cherries,