Tuesday 29 January 2013

An Open Letter to All the Dreamers


This is the Righteous Perverts Pulpit so I decided to preach a little sermon. We talk a lot about books in RP, but we also try to lift each other up and support one another by talking about our experiences. This is mine.


So I’ve spent the last year watching an awful lot of reality TV. I don’t love the “lifestyle” versions. So no Real Housewives or stuff. But I do love the competition shows because that’s where the real drama is. Not in the Botoxed, I married I millionaire shows, but in “American Idol” and “The Voice” and “Top Chef” and “Project Runway”. Real people with real talent praying for the American Dream. I feel for these contestants. And I know the moment they run down the wrong path.

What bugs me? “This was my chance.” “I blew my only shot.”

What? These are kids crying and swearing that their lives are over because a panel of judges said no. Yes, they are a powerful panel and yes, it’s a great shot. But I know something they don’t know.

I ain’t the only one.

This is the part where I tell a little of my story. I’m a forty-two year old who, up until three years ago, was a housewife. Nothing wrong with that, but my whole life revolved around my children and my husband and the voices in my head were on the back burner because that was just a little pipe dream. I’d written three books and tried to get some interest going. No luck. Three books over nine years. I’d tried, right? I’d had my shot. I was thirty-eight and if you haven’t made it by then, you probably won’t.

That’s what I thought. So when my husband asked me what I wanted after I’d supported him through his MBA, I said another baby. I wanted to hold on to my youth. I’d only really been a mom. Baby number three was on her way and I didn’t have to worry about a time when I wasn’t someone’s mom. I could put off being me.

Sometimes change comes in the sweetest packages. I almost died giving birth to my baby girl. I can still hear my doctor cursing and see him sweating because I was bleeding out. They made my husband leave after they managed to get her out of me. I was given some really awesome drugs and I remember everything that was said, but I also remember thinking that it was okay if I died because she was born and it was okay.

And when I came off that table, I was a different human being entirely.

I was awake. I was alive. I was ready.

I wrote six books that year. It had taken me nine years to write three before, but I was open and a flood of emotion poured from me. I had so much to say, so much to do and nothing could stop me.

New York editors told me no. Agents told me no. Everyone told me no. And I kept on. There was no one chance. There was only the next chance. The next shot. The next street to try to turn down.

I am now forty-two years old with the sweetest baby girl ever. And I have a dream that has played out. It’s not what I thought it would be when I was twenty. I thought I would write a book a year and live in a mansion.

It’s better. I write everyday. I reach out and put myself out there and what I get back is so much more than money. It’s real connection. It’s knowing I meant something to a stranger. It’s knowing I made a difference.

And I still get turned down. Those first six books I wrote? I love them, but I’ve now been turned down by almost big publishing house in New York. And that’s after I’ve sold a ton of books and with a big agent behind me. The rejections don’t stop, but that doesn’t mean a damn thing if you really believe.

So for all of you dreamers who think it’s over, I’m here to tell you it’s only over when you decide it is. Life has the funniest way of showing us different paths. That dream that we thought we couldn’t have can morph slightly and turn out to be better than we could have hoped.

Be open. Embrace all the roads and avenues that are offered. Never stop believing that the path is closed no matter who says “no” to you. In the end, the only “no” that matters is the “no” say to yourself.

Believe. Dream. Live. And I will be rooting for you.

A contest – because I love to give away stuff! Leave a comment and get your name placed in a drawing for a signed copy of any of my books in paperback. Contest ends February 4,2013. Winner will be announced here in the comments. Good Luck!!


Sophie Oak writes erotic romance for Siren Publishing. Her latest novel, Once Upon a Time in Bliss, is available now at Siren-Bookstrand.


28 comments:

  1. I LOVE THIS BLOG !!! Sophie you have out done yourself. I can't wait for everyone else to read it.

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  2. You inspire me. That's why I'm going for something I really want, and I have you to thank for that with your encouragement. Don't worry, I'll be bugging you while I'm fretting on hearing back, and you only have your encouragement to blame. :P Also, I want to read those 6 books. I really do. I think you could publish them and we would love them! So go for it!Thanks for writing something so heartfelt, I especially relate to a scary childbirth situation changing the way you see your life and where you're headed. Thanks for what you do, and since you're over 20 books published now, you made it babe!!!

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  3. i love you even more now Sophie Oak. words don't flow for me as they do for you. i want you to know that your stories are so very special to me. thank you for sharing. hugs. i am glad you wrote them down i am sure Nell would be protesting and driving you batty. hugs Cherie

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  4. i love you even more now Sophie Oak. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. i am glad dreams are free if not i would be bankrupt. making dreams come true can be hard but it is awesome when we achieve it. hugs.

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  5. When people ask me why I write, I answer honestly, because I can't NOT write. I adore your books Sophie, you were one of a handful of authors who not only welcomed me into the "authors club" but encouraged me every step of the way. I think dreams are about timing as much as talent. Some times you just have to be patient and wait for your chance in the sun. Enjoy every minute and take nothing for granted is my current motto. :) Live, Laugh and Love. You managed to not only enjoy fufilling the dream of a third child, but also establish the career you've always wanted. Those big NY publishing houses are clearly not the be all, end all in books today, so keep pushing yourself, because you have a lot of us supporters at your back.

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  6. Thank you for sharing this. It's exactly what I needed to read today. :)

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  7. Sophie, You are super inspiring. I think everyone needs to hear this. Maybe they wouldnt give up so easy. Thank you for being you and being just so damn awesome to talk to! (And I will remind myself that, theres always more than one shotm, if your willing to keep on chuggin) <3
    Chris NoOne

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  8. Sophie Oak is my idol. You are an amazing person to chase your dreams like that. I almost bled out with my first child, too. Sitting there and convulsing on the table scared the hell out of my husband. For me, it shut me down more than opening me up. I am finally getting to the point with my kids that I can breathe, and realized that I had more in me than going to a job with no creative outlet.

    Thanks to your encouragement and a few others, I started going after what I really want too. Ever thought of motivational speaking? You talk from the heart, and share so much in both written and spoken words. Thank you for what you do both in and out of your books.

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  9. Sophie.... what an inspiring blog....its reading these moments that you have gone through in your life to make people take a look at them selves and see that no matter what life throws at you..you just have to keep going. Reach for your dreams no matter who shuts you down...Thank you for sharing your story and to make as realize dreams can come true when you don't give up

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  10. Thank you for sharing your story! You passed on a very important message. Never stop believing in yourself. Too many of us are guilty of just letting life go by instead of living the life we want because we are scared of what other people might say.

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  11. Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! You know I love your books. Your story is such an inspiration. Thank you for sharing!

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  12. Thank you for sharing your story with us. It's hard not to take the rejections to heart and lose faith in yourself. I really needed to "hear" this, and I think it is true that the universe brings the right people into your life just when you need to meet them. Your books are full of passion and life, and so often they touch on the insecurities women struggle with. It is so inspiring to see your characters overcome the odds against them to find lasting love. Your own personal story hits me the same way, you overcame the odds, you are living your dream, and you ARE making a difference in people's lives. Your story is so inspiring and I'm so glad you did not give up. Thank you!

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  13. Wow, Sophie that is amazing. I love your books and your story is an inspiration for everyone to continue to go for it, to live your dream and to not listen to the people who are negative. Hugs Carin

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  14. Thank you for sharing Sophie. It's so great to learn more about you and I love your books so much. Thank you for putting them out in to the world for us! ;)

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  15. That is incredibly uplifting. We all face rejection and hard times, and you made the best of every incident, and didn't let it hold you back. Courageous in so many ways, Sophie! Congrats on overcoming it all!

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  16. Beautiful post Sophie! You're an inspiration to so many. :)

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  17. OMG! Sophie, I am still crying, I am so glad you wrote this blog, I am glad we met and you are part of my life. Yes Money can make you Rich But so can Friendships and Family. God wanted you to stay grounded before you became published. Now go sit back and drink some Margaritas. Because of the authors I met in May in DFW I try to have the YES I CAN attitude, which is why I went back to school. Thank you for sharing your story with us. And Congrats on your career and family.

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  18. Awesome blog Sophie!

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  19. My husband is looking at me like I've lost it because I'm crying. I told him one of my fave ladies that I met in Dallas at Figfest wrote an amazing sermon fo sho. Last May when I met you in Dallas I was excited and scared in so many ways. That was the first trip I took Entirely by myself. I sometimes feel the need to have someone with me like a chaperon, when I'm going somewhere. Well I took a chance and got on that plane and met some wonderful ladies on that trip. That was kind of the beginning of my journey.

    Here we are almost a year since that trip and I recently decided that I'm going to follow that path of authors like you and write my own books. Reading has been my passion and outlet. It just feel like its time that I do something for me. This group has helped open me up to a whole new world and authors like you, Shayla, Heather Rainier and Mia (just to name a few) love your fans and are always so encouraging. By you writing this amazing blog you prove that its ok when you aren't excepted the first 9 times but if you keep trying on the 10th time it might happen.

    Being a teacher full time and mom when I get home I'm researching and writing little by little and loving it. You took a chance and didn't give up. I love that you are encouraging others.

    Love and Big Hugs Sophie.

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  20. Dear Sophie. Thank you for sharing your story. You're truly an inspiration for me. I've always had stories in my head and at the age "38" I decided to take those stories and put them on paper. Of course it wasn't an overnight thing. I'd drive 9hrs in the summer with my youngest and while he watched movies I'd make up stories in my head to pass the time. Fast forward several years and going to my first reader conference and meeting fab authors and I did it. Only to get rejected. Now 2 rejections under my belt and I read your story. Thank you for giving me the confidence to keep trying. As I step into my 40's I'm going to keep trying. Keep submitting. And probably still cry after each one. But seeing your journey it gives me hope. So thank you again. Can't wait to meet you at RAW 2013.

    Sincerely
    Michelle Boone

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  21. WOW that was a powerful blog. I am so glad you kept up with your dream, because your dream has made so many of us happy by reading and escaping our everyday lives. It is truly amazing how one moment in our lives can change everything we think and believe in. Your family is your joy and your books are our joy.

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  22. Always love to find out some of the behind the scenes details that drive my favorite authors to write the books I love. Thanks!

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  23. Okay first I want to say how brave person you are for posting this blog post. And I also want say how courageous you are for standing to the man by writing such amazing tales of worlds that I can't help but find myself wishing for my own HEA and bliss. You don't have to share bits of your personal life but I am glad you did. If I ever meet you in person (in a non stalker kind of way) I would so give you lots thumbs up, lots of praises and hugs. Thank you for giving us a glimpse behind the author who gives lots of readers something to dream about and something to look forward to via hours of blissful joy and entertainment. <3

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  24. Sophie, thank you for sharing your inspiring story! I love all of your books. Your stories and characters are so vivid and detailed that it is so easy to feel that you know them personally. I will admit that on more than one occasion I have caught myself wondering what would be going on in Bliss today. :)

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  25. sophie, this is my first time visiting this blog, and i'm so happy my friend recommended this page to me. very motivational post.

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  26. So encouraged! And by the way, I LOVE your books! :)

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  27. Hi everyone! This is Chloe, Sophie's assistant. The winner of the contest is Lisa Carlton. Lisa, please contact me at SophiesChloe@gmail.com so I can make arrangements to get you your prize. Thank you all for responding!

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  28. Yayyyyy Thank you I'm so very excited... Thank you thank you thank you

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