My Nightmare

I can’t believe I am writing this blog. I really don’t want to but I want someone else’s opinions.  I feel like such a girl right now, I am freaking out.  I guess I should let you know what it is about, underwear.  Yep, the worst thing in the world to me but for other women it is the most decadent thing they can buy. Freaks

Here is the thing, I have always hated buying underwear or as some like to call them panties.  Growing up there wasn’t a lot of choice. Momma went to the store and bought the cheapest undies for us kids because we just grew out of them so fast and at that point I didn’t really care about what I wore, that would come later.  Underwear was just something that you put on first and on hot days you could sit in your room and play in. I guess I should tell you that this was when I was 5 or 6, not when I was a teen.  When I became a teen was when my undie issues began.

When I started 6^th grade I was still really shy and I developed a lot faster than other girls. I had the start of my boobs, no one else did so already I was different from the other girls because I was wearing a training bra.  Of course, this is also when the dreaded changing for P.E. started as well.  I had never really thought about my undies till all the other girls had cute day of the week panties and flowers and stuff on theirs and when I looked down I had plain white granny panties.  I felt so out of place because of the bra thing and add in the granny panties and I was mortified.  No one ever said anything but I still felt like I was being judged. I asked my Momma for some cute undies and she said they were too expensive and she was right.  But at that point I just didn’t care about that I just wanted to fit in.  I finally got over the undies thing till I hit puberty head on like a Mack truck.

The summer between 8^th grade and my freshmen year I put on weight and my curves kicked into high gear.  I was a 14/16 when I started high school.  I was the only girl who was not thin.  I was by far the biggest girl in school. Now let me tell you that I went to a smallish school.  Most of the kids there were upper middle class so they all had bikes and did summer activities but I had a job starting when I was 15 which didn’t allow a lot of time to do sports or anything. The fact that I probably would have rather had my limbs ripped off is beside the point.  My favorite thing when I had spare time was doing research on my favorite topics and reading.  How does this relate to my issues with underwear, you ask?  I didn’t get enough exercise and I couldn’t seem to lose weight so I was reduced to staying in the granny panties or going commando.  Now we are talking mid 80’s so not a lot of cute things for girls who were in double digit size pants.  Once again I felt out of place because once you reach a 14 you only had granny panties to choose from and if you were lucky they had different colors.  Other girls had really cute undies and they pranced around while I was hiding in a corner wearing my D-cup bra and granny panties.

The dreaded granny panties became a staple of my wardrobe and if I was lucky I was able to find some high cut ones that looked less like my Momma’s undies.  I figured I was never going to find cute undies and I was past caring for the most part.  My boyfriends didn’t really care what I was wearing as long as I was taking them off soon.

As I got older and clothing designers finally decided that bigger size women wanted to look sexy too and they started to make cute undies. I found all kinds that I liked till I put them on.  I swear they either climb up my crack or they were way above my waist. I tried all kinds of underwear when I found Jockey.  I found that I had no problems with them other than the sticker shock.  I didn’t really care that much as long as they fit.  I thought my undie issues where finally dead.

Alas, that was so not true.  I hit my late 30’s when I put on weight again. I went from a 16 to much larger size in nothing flat.  I now have a gigantic booty that would scare Beyonce.  I had to go back to the granny panties of my youth.  I decided that I was going to go commando for a while because I was tired of looking old when I put on my underwear.  I found it was a little strange at first but I got used to it. Then I decided that I was going to give undies another shot. I lucked out and found so really cute boyshorts when they first started making them. Fruit of the Loom was my hero. I bought every package I could find because finally I had the perfect undies. They didn’t become thongs when I moved and they were cute.

Then I realized the horror of undie shopping once again.  I had noticed that they had changed the way they were making boyshorts but I needed some new undies. I have looked for months with no luck. Most stores do not carry larger underwear because I guess women over a size 18 don’t need underwear.  As much as it pains me I went to Lane Bryant and bought a few pair and same problem just with a more expensive price tag.  I have tried a variety of cuts and fabrics but they all just don’t feel right. The one that really bothered me was some boyshorts that were the right size but when I put them on the front was perfect but the back only came half way up my butt.  I swear my butt will be the death of me yet.

I am going to give the new Boxer Brief’s a shot. If I don’t find some soon I will be back to going commando because I refuse to revert to Granny Panties again.

Does anyone out there have any suggestions for me to try and am I the only one who hates shopping for undies.  

Sarcastically Sinful,

Shmuttmeister