The Wonderful World of Toys

Toys! How to have fun while shopping for ‘Playtime Plastic Penises’.



Hey, doing the blog thingie for RP. My topic is “shopping for sex toy stuff”. I, being late the the party of grown up battery operated toys, actually had to go out and do what I’m writing about. Yup, I got my tush out and about and wandered on in to … one of THOSE stores! So let’s start with the ‘how to buy’ portion of the blog, shall we? I’ll go step by step for those who have yet to venture into the great unknown, otherwise known as your local adult shop.



Step #1 – Enter the Kink Zone!
Find out where the store is located from where you are. Go to the location; walk, drive or take a transit bus, just get your ass there. Open the door and haul your ass inside! There ya go you’re on the way to making a purchase. I could tell you to log on to the website of whatever online store you find you like, but being my first time I wanted to see with my own eyes and yes, touch the merchandise to get a sense of what the items are really like. You can’t get the tactile sensation of a rubber dildo or tell the difference in feel of the silicone vibrator while staring at the monitor now can you? How can you decide what to get for the first time if you don’t know what you like the feel of in your hands first? (just remember you can only use your hands for testing, the employees will frown upon any attempts to “road test” any items, if you know what I mean.  You may also get arrested too, which might not be so bad because then you get a police man with handcuffs to play with… if you’re feeling really mischievous, and have a phone-a-friend for bail money.)

Step #2 – Touchy Feely Time.
Have a good look around the store and don’t be afraid to touch the display items or take a box down off the shelf to read the info on the box. Check out the pretty colours and the scents of the fragrant products. Now me being me, I’m picky about colours of girlie things sometimes. Pink is not a colour I like. I’m not that big on the girlie girlness of a sea of shades of pink products. So when faced with a selection of dildos, vibrators, bottles of lube… I avoid the pinkage and go for any other colours they have in stock. Purple seems to be the next most popular colour for stuff, purple is ok for me. It’s close to blue, which is my fave colour. I think they avoid blue coloured stuff for some reason. Blue balls references perhaps?? So when I see bright varieties of shades of non-pink I pay attention to those items hanging on the displays. Am I one of the weirdos who sees a green vibrator and imagines some sci fi geeky couple doing alien abduction anal probe role playing?? Yes, yes I am! Not imagining how you can get some giggles during your playtime is like only doing missionary position. Dull, boring, normal! OMG No, not normal! The horror!

Ok back to shopping. While having a look around, don’t feel shy about asking the staff for help or asking them about the products. They work there and most likely either know people who use the products or use them themselves. If they don’t, then they need to cause HELLOOO employee discount and new featured items to discover! The staff will of course have the manufacturers’ info on the items, but it’s the ones who bought and used the stuff that can really tell you about what they sell. The hands on info can help you with your decision on what would be good for your pleasure needs.

Step #3 – Biting the Bullet and buying it!
Being a first time buyer/user of the grown up battery operated toys, I decided to take the advice of the helpful lady and go for the less flashy, more simple products. Remember, with being a first time user, start off simple and work your way up to the more advanced kinky toys. You can’t ride the Harley Davidson motorcycle till you’ve ridden the Schwinn bicycle well enough to not injure yourself. So while the G-Spot orgasm inducing mega vibe is lovely, it’s probably best to start off with the more basic one. Also, don’t go over board and buy a dozen different toys. Start off with two or three well chosen ones. I noticed that some of the products are water friendly, so as long as they are properly used, you can splash around the tub for some bubbles and squeaks enjoyment. There’s also these little vibrating contraptions called Bullets. They look like, well, an egg on a leash. They are quite basic with no bells or whistles, just a switch to make it vibrate slower or faster. Nothing fancy but quite effective. I named mine Egbert.

Step #4 – Naming your new fun time friend!
Yes, naming the toy is strange, but then again, so am I. Naming the toy can be a good thing. Next time a friend calls you and you’re not feeling up to hanging out, tell them you got a meeting with “Parker” or “Gerard”. Many women have a B.O.B. (battery operated boyfriend) and just calling them all BOB will get confusing with who’s who. Be creative and have fun with the name. When you buy an anal plug why not call it Angus! Why that name, no idea, it’s just similar to anal and it’s a name I like. Naming a dildo Dick on the other hand, is too obvious. Having a rendezvous in the boudoir with Reynaldo sounds more sexy than getting off with Jeff on the mattress, don’t ya think?

Step #5 – Lube it!
Having some lubricant is always a good thing. The proper kind for what toy you’re playing with is important. Reading the directions on use can make the difference with how well the toy moves and how long it lasts too. You don’t want to be using a lube that will eat through the silicone of your new vibrator ruining it now, do you? Some lubes work better with certain materials than others, other lubes may damage some toys make of certain materials. Always check the labels to see that the lube and toy are compatible, or if in doubt ask a shop attendant for some suggestions on which ones to pick up. There are some flavoured lubes that can be used too if you’re using your toy with your sweetie. They might like the experience of trying different flavours with certain toys for the novelty.

Step #6 – Buying stock in a battery company.
So now you have your new friends and want to play with them. Some stores may give complimentary batteries with your purchases to get you started,  they’ll do until you can build up your stash of batteries. Best stock up on some good quality brand name batteries so you can keep going and going and going… Yes, just like that certain pink bunny mascot does when you’re using your new Rabbit. Screw it, buy in bulk And hoard them like those crazy people on those reality shows! That way you will never be ready, willing but unable, due to dead batteries. Plan ahead people! Nothing will dampen the mood like having to put your shoes back on (and everything else you took off) to take a trip to the store cause you forgot to pick some up when you were grocery shopping.

Step #7 – Aftercare for your toys
Now that you have had your playtime with your happy time toys, it’s time to give them a bath and put them to bed. Following the packaging instructions, obviously, yes do that, because the manufacturers made it will know how to keep your goodies revving for lots of future fun time.
But when it comes to putting them somewhere to store, take care of where you place them. Depending on whether you got tater tots (aka the spawn, or as most people call them, children) keeping them somewhere safe and out of sight might be good. The classic bed side table “naughty drawer”, for those who don’t have to worry about curious little hands grabbing for your vibrator so G.I. Joe can launch the missiles at the enemy on your front lawn, is always good. For the parental peeps however, I’d suggest a ‘pick-proof-hidden-behind-the-paneling’ style safe. Those kids nowadays are crafty and can hack and crack into just about anything. Better safe than sorry, in case the dreaded ‘Monster-In-Law” drops by and the kids have been snooping again and left out the Vibo-matic 6900 for her to discover when she sits down in the easy chair and feels it poking her in her left butt cheek.

So there we go, some tips on sex toy shopping for you guys. Once you get more comfy with your toys you may want to expand you harem.  Or get a specialty item for those ‘date nights’ with the hubby/boyfriend/significant other of choice. Whatever you do with whoever you do it with, just remember one thing ….. keep a fresh set of batteries close at hand! ;-)

This blog is brought to you by Luna and courtesy of The Stag Shop

Diane Thorne - Guest Blogger

Fun With Erotic Romance
About two years ago, I came up with an idea to write about naughty demons who were playful and sex hungry. They traveled from a kinky version of Hell demons were in desperate need of souls to work for them and keep businesses thriving. Their victims were those willing to bargain their souls, and those who by accident made a bargain. To me, a story would seem more interesting if someone innocently made a deal and then these demons showed up to fulfill the bargain. This was the idea behind my Playful Demons series.

For the first book, my protagonist is in love with her boyfriend. He makes her hot, revs her hormones, and then leaves her. She's desperate and accidently says she'd sell her soul to have sex with him. Oops. Big mistake. Demons hear the call, specifically, one named Dominick. Disguised as her boyfriend, he gives her what she wants. All seems right in the world for my protagonist, until her boyfriend denies having sex with her. Uh-oh. Houston, we have a problem, and if you want to know what happens, I encourage you to read Demon in Disguise, a m/f erotic romance.

What is Hell like in the series? I pictured Hell as a twisted version of Diagon Alley. You know, that Alley in the Harry Potter movies. But, the streets are empty because Hell needs souls. Businesses are not doing well. There's a triple X-rated movie theatre, sex toy shops, bars, bdsm clubs, etc. By my second book, business is picking up. More "innocents" are arriving in Hell and slaving away for 

Demons in Disguise is the second book in the series. Dominick returns with his Italian friend, Anthony. They here a call and take off to claim the "innocent". What does she accidently say? She'd sell her soul to have sex with her two co-workers. Oh, the fun my demons have with this protagonist while they are disguised as her co-workers. As you can guess, this one is a ménage a trois.

These demons love to have fun and play with women. They're kinky and funny. When I write from their point of view, the words flow from my fingertips. Erotic romance can be a joy to write, especially through the eyes of a wicked man.

Another ménage a trois I wrote is called Destined for Love. It's a sweeter erotic romance and involves two hot genies. It's a stand alone book and told from the protagonist's point of view. She's lost everything - her job, her home, and her boyfriend. She takes a walk on the beach and discovers a strange bottle that resembles a beer bottle but with odd engravings. Next thing she knows, two gorgeous men are with her. Freaky!

The protagonist has a couple of wishes and has to decide what to do, but wishes come with a price. So, she has to be careful. Her two new friends stay with her and take extra care of her. Yes, they give her a ton of TLC. I wish I had two genies! To feed and bathe me, among other things.

If you're curious to know more about my genies, do check out Destined for Love.

I wrote another series with seven sisters and each one finds romance for the first time. The series is Sisters of Lonewood. Four of the short stories are published. The remaining three will be out by mid April. Some of the stories are sweet, others are hot and steamy. One is different from the other six, and I won't say which one. When the cover is available, I'm sure any reader will know right away.

What other fun erotic romances have I got? Well, I'm working on a two book series now and I started another short story series. For my two book series, the first is a ménage with one man and two women. The second, which I'm working on now, is m/f/f/m. These two books are new for me. Previously, my ménages were m/f/m only. I'm curious person and enjoy exploring areas I'd never ventured into before. Therefore, I want my characters to have fun. Erotic romance should be fun. Right?

About Diane:

I am an erotic romance writer living in Indiana. I write in a variety of genres such as Contemporary, Menage a Trois, Urban Fantasy, Fantasy, and Paranormal Erotic Romance. As a lifetime lover of the paranormal, sci-fi, and fantasy, my mind constantly wanders into other worlds full of dark and mysterious creatures. Needless-to-say, vampires, demons, werewolves, ghosts, and fallen angels are my friends. A few bite, others tempt, and some are hot as hell. They suck me into their world, especially after I have consumed a little red wine, and their company never bores. Join me and my friends, but reader beware: I am not responsible for any titillation, increased temperatures, hormonal stirrings, or unusual bite marks.

Where to find Diane Thorne:

http://dianethorne.com
http://twitter.com/DThorne_author
http://www.facebook.com/DianeThorneAuthor
http://www.goodreads.com/dianethorne
http://pinterest.com/DThorneAuthor/

Books by Diane:

Demon in Disguise (Playful Demons 1)
Demons in Disguise (Playful Demons 2)
The Deadly Stripper (Sexy & Damned 1)
The Complicated Stripper (Sexy & Damned 2)
Destined for Love
Nikki's Story (Sisters of Lonewood 1)
Kate's Story (Sisters of Lonewood 2)
Heather's Story (Sisters of Lonewood 3)
Penny's Story (Sisters of Lonewood 4)
Alison's Story (Sisters of Lonewood 5, March 6th release)
Lisa's Story (Sisters of Lonewood 6, March release)
Brenda's Story (Sisters of Lonewood 7, April release)

How Erotic Romance Saved the World

                           

Yep, I totally stole that title. What can I say? I watch a lot of the History Channel. Now, did erotic romance really save the world? Probably not, but it has brought lots of secret lives out of the closet. I mean BDSM was on the Today show for the love of all that is Holy.
I will attempt to tell you my story. Okay not really because I am not one to share a lot of my life with complete strangers. Now moving on.
I have been a reader my entire life, but I didn't start hardcore till I read my first romance. Now my Grandmother was a huge, and I mean huge, Barbara Cartland fan. She had every one of those books and read them often. So I always knew romance books were out there. I read my first romance at maybe 9 or so, when I snagged on of my sister’s books. I was hooked just that fast. All through high school, I would stay up all night to read and then shower and head off to school. I came home from school and napped, and the cycle started all over again. I was reading Diana Palmer and Linda Howard when most girls were reading the Judy Blume books. Although, I did read Forever. This didn't really become an addiction till I found erotic romance.
Now I was minding my own business, just being hooked on a few authors, when my friend Bonnie decided to send me a book for my birthday. What was the book that introduced me to erotic romance? Shayla Black’s Decadent.  I wasn't sure about this book, and I had never read Shayla before. So I just put it under my pile of other books and figured that I would read it when I was out of books. Wow, was that a mistake. I should have read it first thing. That book started my addiction to erotic romance that is still raging out of control. Now you know part of my story, but let me tell you what I have learned about what I call the 50 Shades phenomenon.
I work in retail and have always wanted to work in the movies, music and book section of the store. It finally happened when one of my friends moved away. I took over the departments. The sales in these areas are going down because everyone buys ebooks and downloads the movies and music.
A friend of mine had recommended the 50 Shades books to me, but I just wasn't that interested in them because I had heard good and bad about them. To this day, I still have not read them, but I digress. I was shocked one week when I was reading the new release list. I saw that within the month, I would be receiving paperback copies of a book that had been out a while in ebook form. I saw that it was 50 Shades and started laughing. One of the guys I work with asked me what was so funny, and I told him I wondered if the people at corporate knew what this book was about. Let me tell you, Zack was shocked when I told him. He is a young pup. What can I say? He had never heard of this book or read anything about BDSM. On a side note as I explained it to him, he was getting red in the face and I was having a good time. He now calls BDSM, Sex with Helmets.
Sorry, now back to my story. For those of you that don’t know new release come out on Tuesdays, I was curious to see how this book sold because I live in a small Midwestern city and people here have sticks up their butts. I put the books out and by noon, we were sold out. I was shocked, to say the least. I put a rush order in and found out that the company was sold out as well. For months, every time we received copies, they were gone on the same day. I started hanging out more in the book area just so I could watch the people try and covertly put what they called smut in their carts. It made me laugh so hard because I have read way more explicit books.  My favorite thing is to watch guys work up the balls to pick it up. I have helped several people who had seen something on it but were confused about what it was about. Let me tell you, they are shocked that I know about BDSM and am willing to talk to them about it.
Since the release of 50 Shades, I have seen the sales in the book department triple what it was last year. To those of you who don’t care, that means that stores are going to keep books when most of them were debating on phasing out all physical copies of books. I have seen not just the sales of adult books soar but also, when we started carrying more erotic books, all book sales across the board, including kids’ books went up as well. When people come in and ask about any book and people are willing to help them choose books, then they buy more books and not just for themselves. I think that erotic romance has helped people remember the joy of reading and in turn, they have passed that on to their children. Instead of hearing kids say can we go to the toy section, I sometimes hear can we go and get a book.  This makes me smile every time because I know when I see some of these people, I remember that I helped them pick out books to read after they discovered the joys of erotic books. So to me, that means Erotic Romance has helped save the world by reminding them that there is another world just waiting between the covers of a book.

Sinfully Sarcastic,
Shmuttmeister

Randi Alexander- Guest Blogger

Finding New Ways to Give Her Pleasure

Thanks to the Righteous Perverts Pulpit for letting me take over the blog today! I’m Randi Alexander, and I write erotic romance. My newest release, Cowboy Jackpot: Valentine’s Day has some scenes that I like to call “innovative sex.”

When you’ve read as many erotic romances as I have, you see a lot of the same things going on in the bedroom. (Or on the couch, or up against the wall, or…well, you know what I mean.) There are only so many ways to do it, after all, and the challenge for writers is to find something new and fresh.

In the first book in the Cowboy Jackpot series, Christmas, Gigi and Boone share a fetish, so their kinky scene is really fun. In the second book, Valentine’s Day, Dallas lets loose of his conservative cowboy self and shares a naughty sex scene with wild and uninhibited Kira.

But how about the cunnilinguis? How many ways are there for a man to make love to a woman with his tongue? To create a different, interesting, and titillating experience, I had to first use my imagination to devise positions, then do field tests to make sure they was actually doable. (Such a difficult job I have!)

In Christmas, Boone uses his “signature move” on Gigi, and she’s extremely (and loudly) impressed! In Valentine’s Day, Dallas finds a new fascination with Kira’s thighs, and creates his own new oral position by turning her on her side and moving in from the back. The excerpt is below, and I hope you enjoy it as much as Kira did!

When I create a romance, not only do I like to find inventive positions and kinky fetishes, but I enjoy offering a number of different sexual experiences. It’s a challenge to fit them all into a short story because I like long, intense scenes, but I enjoy writing a good, solid story plot, too. And that’s why Cowboy Jackpot: Valentine’s Day ended up ten-thousand words longer than I’d planned!

What’s your favorite type of bedroom scene? Hot, intense, and fast? Or slow, emotional, and sensual? Leave a comment for your chance to win an e-copy of Cowboy Jackpot: Christmas.

Blurb: A fortuitous spin of a Las Vegas roulette wheel links New York accountant Kira Morrow and rodeo bareback rider Dallas Burns. The heat that has flared between them since their first meeting threatens to burn out of control as they share sinful nights and hot days. As their mutual distrust resurfaces, the flames quickly die. Only when Kira walks out of his life forever does Dallas realize he needs to stop letting past hurts prevent him from opening his heart to love. Is it too late to repair the damage he’s done and reclaim the heart of the woman he’s fallen for?

Excerpt: Kira's brain fuzzed and dimmed. Her sexy cowboy with his head between her legs had already stoked her so high and hot, she could come with his next lick. She'd never experienced anything as tender and sensual as Dallas's seduction.

Lying on her side, she looked down and forced her eyes open. The dimming in her head was due to the sun dropping below the mountains, but the fuzzing was all him.

His dark head lay on her thigh, his short hair soft against her skin. His hands on her legs held her where he wanted her as his lips created magic that pulsed in her core and flooded her pussy.

"God, you taste good." His muffled voice reached her as he sucked her swollen folds into his mouth.

Reaching down with one hand, Kira tunneled her fingers through his hair. Her breathing sped and her hips and ass tightened. Tingles of pleasure raced through her belly and climbed her spine to batter at the precarious control she held over her looming orgasm.

He shifted and his tongue plunged into her slit, fucking her in a slow rhythm that started her shaking.

"Dallas, I'm close."

"Sweetheart, hang on. I haven't eaten my fill yet."

She dropped her head back and concentrated on holding off, centering her thoughts on his talented mouth.

Placing hot, open-mouthed kisses on her pussy lips, he touched her everywhere he could reach. Her thighs, her mound, then, finally, her clit. His lips sucked her bud, gently at first, then he nipped it between his teeth and set his tongue fluttering quickly, ingenious little flicks that sent a bolt of heat racing up her spine to blow her control to pieces and send her spinning wildly into a manic orgasm.

He held her bucking hips as she left her body and twisted through waves of pleasure so intense, she couldn't catch her breath. Darkness engulfed her, punctuated by lightning streaks of delight as his tongue worked faster, sending her deeper.

Another orgasm ricocheted through her, making her scream with bliss. She reached complete weightlessness and slowly descended, returning to her body, regaining her brain function, and quivering down low where Dallas softly kissed her and lapped up her juices.

"Sweetheart. Nothing has ever been so right."

"So good," she managed to pant. Twin orgasms that shook her, body and soul. Could she survive the orgasms he'd give her with his cock pounding deep into her?

He lifted her leg, left the bed, and within seconds spooned himself behind her, holding her tight, kissing her ear, her neck, and whispering gentle words. His cock lay hard and hot against her ass.

"Dallas." She forced open her eyes to see the spectacular colors of the sunset over the twinkling lights of Vegas. "You were brilliant."

He chuckled, and the vibration worked its way into her. "Glad I pleased you, ma'am." He nibbled her shoulder. "Twice, if my accounting is correct."

A lazy smile curved her mouth and she turned to look at him.

In the evocative lighting, his eyes shone, dark and passionate.

He kissed her, filling her with the taste of beer and whiskey combined with his natural spiciness and the lingering taste of her own juices. His scent invaded her and she breathed deeply of musky male.

Her nipples puckered and a chill raced along her spine. She wanted more. Wanted all of him, inside her, on top of her, taking her, taking what he wanted from her.

"Kira." He whispered the words against her lips. "Let me make love to you."

********

Find Cowboy Jackpot: Valentine's Day in digital format at Smashwords and Amazon, and in paperback at Createspace and Amazon.

Have a Righteous and Perverted day!
Randi
"Rode Hard and Put Up Satisfied"
Website: http://RandiAlexander.com
Books: http://randialexander.com/portfolio/
Blog: http://WildAndWickedCowboys.wordpress.com
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/RandiAlexanderAuthor
Twitter: http://twitter.com/Randi_Alexander

-Cowboy Jackpot: Valentine's Day is available in digital format at Smashwords and Amazon, and in paperback at Createspace and Amazon.
-Cowboy Jackpot: Christmas is available in digital format at Smashwords and Amazon, and in paperback at Createspace and Amazon.
-Turn Up the Heat, Chase and Seduction, and Her Cowboy Stud are available at The Wild Rose Press and Amazon.
-Cowboy Bad Boys is available in digital format at Smashwords and Amazon and in paperback from Createspace and at Amazon.
-Cowboy Lust is available in paperback and Kindle format at Amazon.

Don’t forget to leave a comment for your chance to win Cowboy Jackpot: Christmas!

Libraries, Finding Love Among the Stacks

I remember the first time I walked into a library. My older sisters needed to do some research for a paper and since they were babysitting me, I went too. I was maybe six or seven. They dumped me in the kids section, and I fell in love. I still remember the first book I ever read all by myself—Harry the Dirty Dog by Gene Zion. That book introduced me to what would become my obsession with books.

I began to beg to be taken to the library. When most kids wanted to go outside and play, I wanted to spend my time sitting among the stacks. My mom indulged my obsession by dropping me off and letting me stay there all day. Yes, now days she would be arrested for abandonment but then it was fine.  I would sit for hours just looking at the different books. I loved to walk by the shelves and run my fingers over the spines. Now I am sounding like a perv. Oh, wait I am a Righteous Pervert. So I guess it is okay.

Our library was old so it had lots and lots of leather bound books. I think that is where my love of leather started. Oops, another pervy moment. I found people and places that were so different and strange to me. I lived in small town America. I had never heard of the great writers. I found them all on my own. I would go through the stacks and just pick random books that caught my attention and start to read. Sometimes I would finish it but others I just put it back.

As I got older my reading became a way to escape what was the reality of my boring life. I was painfully shy so books became my friends. I would see something on one of the three channels we used to get with the big antenna and my curiosity would run wild. The next day would find me at the library looking through encyclopedias and any other books I could find. I am not sure I ever spoke to anyone. I just would go in and look till I found what I wanted.

I think I freaked the librarians out because I was the most well behaved child there. I used to shush everyone. This also set my OCD with the care of my books in motion.  On the plus side, I stayed skinny because you couldn’t eat in the library.  Even now, I freak out when people at the bookstores get food and eat while reading. I might get something to drink, but I make sure it has a screw on cap so that if it gets knocked over, the books will not be harmed.

I can remember when I was even younger and was convalescing at my grandmother’s house, her sitting all day reading her multitude of Barbara Cartland books. I had no idea what they were about, but I knew that she loved them. I would see her with other books as well, but those were her absolute favorites. She had every one of them. When I was about twelve or thirteen I decided to look up Barbara Cartland. Wow, was I shocked. I had no idea that there were books out there like that. I saw all the Harlequins and would sneak them to my favorite snuggle spot and sit and read them. That began my affair with romance. I skipped all the classics and went straight for the good stuff.

It was not all fun and games. I was embarrassed by my reading skill. I was in sixth grade the first time it happened. At the end of fifth grade, we had to take placement tests. My first day of sixth grade, I looked up and saw my brother and several of his friends coming into my classroom. I thought I had the wrong room, but I checked my schedule, and I was in the right class. I was praying that he was in the wrong room. The teacher took role call and yep, there were two of us in the same class. She asked me to go to the guidance counselor’s office and wait. I had to make that long walk from the back of the class to the door, which for a shy kid is torture.  I sat there and waited. They came in and said they thought there was a problem with the test so I had to take it again. I took the test and scored higher and was sent back to the same class. Yep, I was in sixth grade reading at an eighth grade level. I found out later that I should have been in a freshman class, but they thought it was too far of a jump for me. I then spent even more time in the library—to escape the teasing of being too smart.

As I got older, I found other things to do as well, but every Saturday found me in the library doing research on something I saw that interested me. Most Sundays everyone in my small town was at church, but I was walking to the library to wait for it to open at one pm on the dot. I would spend as much time as I could there. Most days it would be me and the two librarians. They were not allowed to let anyone under eighteen check out the romance books so I had to stay there and read them. My sisters now had jobs and yep, they loved the romance books too. So I would wait till they were asleep then I would snag their books and use a flashlight to read them. I would be up all night reading and then just shower and head off to school with no sleep. It was my way of dealing with life.

I find now that most kids have never known the joys of the library. I am sad for them. They have no idea the wonderful experience of picking up a book, peeling back the cover and finding adventure and love from a different time and place right there at their fingertips. I hope that I have helped educate my nieces and nephews about the joys of libraries and books. If not, then I feel that I have somewhat failed in my job of being an aunt.

When did you fall in love with books? Was your affair with books started by your parents or were you like me and found love among the stacks?

Melissa Schroeder

Hi, everyone! I want to thank the Righteous Perverts for letting me stop by today.  If you don’t know me, my name is Melissa Schroeder and I write from historical to futuristic and in heat levels from sensual to erotic. I am best known for my erotic Harmless series set mainly in Hawaii.

Today, I want to talk about control. Nope, nothing to do with BDSM. It has to do with my life at the moment.

I am a class A control freak—especially when it comes to my career. It was one of the reasons I branched out on my own.  I was sick of listening to the reasons why something couldn’t be done…or waiting to be noticed. I still write for a couple of publishers and I am not saying that I wouldn’t do it again, BUT, I think having a huge chunk of my writing in self-publishing helps curb my freak outs over control. But…then I had a headache.

It started simple enough. I suffer from migraines and moving ourselves to a new rental house with a man who hates to plan had me in so much pain. On about the fourth day, I gave in and went to the doc—who freaked when I had stroke level blood pressure. Appointments followed and I was put on all kinds of meds, but there was a side effect I didn’t expect—anemia.

This was an odd one for me. I like beef. I mean…LOOOOOOVE it. Steak, ground, roast…I love it all. And so anemia has never been an issue for me until now.  When I started feeling tired after two trips out of state, a death in the family and the holidays, I thought nothing of it. But, my body had other ideas and waited. Waited for that perfect moment to crash on me and it happened on our annual trip to Hawaii. Six hours in an ER and I was told I have anemia and to see my doc when I got back to the mainland.

A month into it and they are still playing doctor with my tests. I am set to have iron shots—which has a whole lot of other side effects with it.  And, each week I spend more time in my bed. It isn’t easy for the control freak in me. But, I have learned that at some point I have to let go. I have done that to an extent being a military wife. For 20 years I did not choose where we lived.  Personally, I have had to deal with letting a lot of things go. But…letting things go in my career, that’s the worse.

It took me a week to come to terms with the fact that I could not travel far from home,  push back books I wanted to write, and accept that some days, goals are just not going to get met. Of course, I have accepted this, and I am trying to control even that, lol. Still, there is a part of me that realizes that this might be a good way to let me body and mind rest, try some new things, and to just get better.

I hope you take a moment to check out the latest in the series, book 8, A Little Harmless Fantasy.

A Little Harmless Fantasy
READ THE FIRST CHAPTER
ORDERING OPTIONS



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If you want to get a teaser of the book, you can download Prelude to a Fantasy for free just about everywhere! It tells of the night that Maura and Zeke first get together several years ago.


Make sure to get Mel’s two Harmless Bundles now only .99 a piece through Feb 14th! That is FIVE BOOKS for 1.98!
A Little Harmless Bundle Vol 1
A Little Harmless Military Bundle Vol 1

Catch up with Mel all over the web:

WEBSITE
BLOG
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Melissa Schroeder is a national bestselling author of over 50 books. She is best known for her Harmless series, a BDSM series mainly set in Hawaii.  She is a military wife and brat, now counting down the days until she can say she is a retired dependent. She loves to cook, read, and avoid the killer bugs of the south. (they are real…they will eat your children). She loves to hear from readers!

Want a chance at a signed copy of something from my backlist? Let me know your favorite kind of erotic romance. Menage, BDSM, MM, Paranormal…or do you love it all?!
I will draw a name on Friday, Feb 15th at 8 am. Open internationally.

Boom

That makes me think of The Hunt for Red October’s soundtrack. Shite, I am already off course with this blog. I am going to get back on the straight and narrow or as close to it as I get.  Today’s blog is brought to you by books. And by books I am talking about my lovely, lovely smut.
Have you ever read a book or genre that made a huge impact on your life? I never thought I had but as I look back I realize there are some books that I still think about and others that made me grow into a different person.
The first book that I remember reading was Harry the Dirty Dog.  Boom, I fell in love with reading that quickly. I have always read but that was the first book I can remember reading on my own.  I hung out in the library and just read any book I could get my hands on. Most did not have a huge impact but I still enjoyed them.  The first book that really made me think about life was Across Five April’s. I read this book in I believe when I was sixth grade. I absolutely loved this book. It was about a boy growing up during the Civil War.  We were reading it in class but I couldn't wait for everyone else to read it so I read it that weekend and then I read it again in class. I moved on from this book to The Once and Future King. I think everyone has read this one. It was the real beginning to my love of romance.  By the time I was done reading it I was hooked and couldn't stop reading my romance books. The next book in my saga was one that I cannot for the life of me remember the title of but it was set in England during World War Two. It was about a girl who was torn between two best friends. She loved them both but one was the love of her life and the other was her best friend. The best friend dies and leaves her his most prize possession, which became the car of my dreams, an MG. I have been looking for this book for years!!!  If you know this book I may be come your best friend for life. But once again I have veered off the path.
Now I kept reading romance books and have loved most of them but one introduced me to a world beyond anything I have ever known. I am talking about Decadent by Shayla Black. You all know the story, if not I guess you will be lost or you can go and find the blogs where I talk about it.  Anywhoo, this book changed my life. It opened doors that I never even knew existed. Now I can’t even find that door.
Reading erotic romance has made me a stronger person. I am not sure what about these books made me decide that I could be who I am and not be ashamed of it but they have. I am now proud to call myself a Righteous Pervert. I have learned to take a chance and talk to people that I really don’t know.  I have become friends with some amazing women and men.
I think the biggest impact that erotic romance has had on me is the fact that I now count a few people that I never would have had the guts to talk to before as friends.  I am talking about authors.  I have always put authors above just about any other person on my list of heroes. They are some of the bravest people I know. They put not just their words but their heart and soul into their work then give it to the world to read and judge. This takes guts and more courage than most people possess. I probably sound like an ass kisser, but do you have the courage to do something like that?  I know I don’t and Mia, this does not count so shush.
Books, have given me the fortitude to be who in my head I have always been but never wanted to show anyone. I am now proud to let my freak flag fly. I have never really been an approachable person and I really don’t like most people but books have shown me that sometimes if you take a chance you can find, if not love, then at least some of the most important things in life, friends.

Sinfully Sarcastic,
Shmuttmeister

PEEEEERVVS!!!! First off, let me say how much I love the Righteous Pervs. The group is so much fun to be a part of, even when I don't have a ton of time to play around. I love to stop by and check on the posts, the hot dudes, the funny stufff. It always brightens my day.
So, here I am with a guest spot on the RP blog, and I figured, why not talk about my latest project. Look. I don't just write books, I create projects. My first novel, The Rake And The Recluse is illustrated. FULLY illustrated. Around 100 images included. Photographs. So when I say project, I mean... undertaking of epic proportions. The latest project is just another in the long line of ridiculousness that surrounds me on a daily basis. I'm recording the audio book for TRATR. SO. I decided, since I never go the easy way, why not do it up right? Everyone LOOOVES Derek, the man who portrays both brothers in my book, so why not put his voice to the grind and make him vocalize the men he has made so visually famous?
Oh... you need to be reminded who D is?

YEAH!!! Oh dear.
There was one rule of TRATR as far as D was concerned. He was NOT allowed to read my book. Ever. He was going to read my book. Aloud. With me. In the same room. Oh dear God shoot me whose idea WAS THIS ANYWAY!?!?!?! *dies*
Goodness sakes. Look, D is my best friend. He and I have experienced quite a bit together, between shoots and trips and whatnot, but fake sex?!!? NO. NONONONONONO. NO. This wasn't some place I wanted to go with him! But... here we go.
So I flew out to California on January 16th, we had one week to get this sucker in the bag.

D picked me up at the airport...

We built the studio

        We started recording.
And kept recording. Whenever D wasn’t training clients. We were in the box. It seriously got a bit nerve wracking.
After recording for a few days, it became PAINFULLY obvious that a week wasn't going to cut it. My book is over 230K. It's estimated at about 24 hours, for the audio. SO yeah, lots of talking, and that doesn't include retakes.
Something else happened. A cricket. Now, I hate spiders, creepy crawlies freak me out, but crickets? They don't bother me any unless they hop in my tea. This damned ridiculous bug was IN THE WALL. Not on the other side of the studio wall, not under the studio lining, INSIDE the wall. Cricketing. *critch* *critch* *critch* *critch* and OMFG we had to stop the recording because it was so loud. It was bad. Super bad.

        *Eff you cricket*
We termed it #CricketInterruptus on twitter. And I cussed a blue streak. Probably a green one and a red one as well.
So I extended my trip by a week, and then another two days. I got home on the 31st. I hit the wall so hard I wasn't sure I would even be able to get on the plane.
But we got it done. I also learned to walk again, and we went to the gym every single day, and D cooked healthy food and I even learned to cook a bit as well.
One night we got so burned out, and the cricket made a reappearance so we drove to the coast under the full moon and watched the surf. It was beautiful.
Anywhoo.

        Exhausting

        Sometimes even the soundwaves looked dirty.
That’s the story. I got to hang with D and his buddy James, together, they’re known as Renegade Fitness California.

        I actually got to take some pics of D on the last day. And I got to see the beach, during daylight.
If you want to see the crazy audio outtakes, and even a couple videos come visit my youtube channel here: http://www.youtube.com/illustratedromance.

D really has a beautiful voice. I guess it goes along with the pretty muscles.
Talk to ya tomorrow!!
*smooches*

Tina and Luna’s Boobathon

Yes, we are now tag-teaming the blogs. Everyone needs a partner in crime, and we are the Demented Duo. Our first blog together will be about something that we spend a lot of time playing with. We like to rub it and caress its various parts. It makes us laugh, giggle and even sometimes, it makes us giddy with anticipation. We like to hold onto it and feel its power to make men drool. Have you guessed what this blog is about yet? If you said tv and remote controls, you are correct. If not, you might be a member of the Righteous Perverts. 

As Luna and I are older than most of you, we remember the days of getting off your ass to change the channel. We remember the days that there were only three channels and, if you were lucky, you could pick up a local PBS station, too. If there was breaking news, you were screwed (and not in a good way) because all the channels ran the news and your shows were preempted.  We, as children, were also known as remotes because Mom/Dad would make us get up to change the channel. In a time where you can watch tv on your phone, you wouldn’t remember the big ass tv that had to stay in one place because it was too big and heavy to fucking move. 

In the good old days, all sex was innuendo. Nowadays you have teenagers having sex on the beach, and I am not talking about the drink. Even now there is still a censor in studio, but they will allow you to use certain dirty fucking words on tv. Genie couldn’t show her belly button. Lucy wasn’t pregnant. She was adding to the family, like she was just going to the hospital to pick up a baby like a takeout order. Mom’s stayed at home cleaning in her pearls and high heels while Dad went to some mysterious job. Now, most of the shows we are talking about are shows that we watched as reruns, because we are not that damn old, and Mia you can stop laughing now.

Television progressed as we got older. That Girl, Mary Tyler Moore, Rhoda and Maude became television icons. We can remember when these women were considered ground breaking trailblazers for women’s rights. Ann Marie and Mary were the first single women with careers. Rhoda was one of the first divorced women, and Maude was one of the most opinionated liberal women—then or now. Most of the shows we grew up watching were the brainchild of the great Norman Lear, who brought social awareness to the masses by humor and not preaching.

In the mid-seventies, one of our favorite shows began, Soap. Although it only ran for four seasons, it made a huge impact on television. Most of you know Billy Crystal from movies and hosting the Oscars, but we know him as Jody, the first openly gay character on television. This show was a fully functioning dysfunctional family. The parents were just insane. One daughter was a nymphomaniac having an affair with the priest. One son was blackmailed to kill his stepfather by the mob, the other son was a dummy who everyone talked to, and grandpa was still fighting World War Two. The smartest character on the show was the butler, Benson, who went on to have his own show.

Another hugely popular show from our childhoods was One Day at a Time. Ann Romano was a divorced single mother of two teenage daughters. This show brought to life some of the most hot button issues of the era. Teen drinking and sex were discussed many times during the run of the show. This was also one of the shows where it wasn’t just the parent raising the children. The girls had a surrogate father figure in the apartment supervisor, Schneider.

A never missed show was WKPR in Cincinnati. What an amazing cast of characters. Jennifer was the brilliant but hot secretary who ran the station instead of her boss, the clueless Mr. Carlson. Les Nessman was the nerdy newsman, Herb was the tackily dressed ad man, and Bailey was the shy assistant to Andy, who was the hot program director. The cool DJ’s were Johnny Fever and Venus Flytrap. This was one of the first shows that the music was as much a part of the show as the characters. Even though the show was a comedy, it still tackled some of the most important issues of the day. One that stands out for us was the stampede at The Who Concert where 11 people were crushed to death rushing for festival general admission seating at Riverfront Stadium.

This brings us to the resurgent of classic family sitcoms of the Eighties. Shows like Cosby, Growing Pains, and Family Ties. These shows brought the two parent family back to television. For some, these were must see television. They brought the Eighties to life, two professional parents raising their kids together. Some of the episodes tackled drugs and sex and the pressures of being a teen in the Eighties. These were important and very topical subject matter for sitcoms.

The Nineties brought drama back to television. Shows like ER, Law and Order, and The West Wing. These were some of the most well written and acted shows on television.  Most of the actors from these shows have huge careers now.  These are the shows I watched. This also brought shows geared toward teens and college students to tv. Who can forget the most popular zip code in America, Beverly Hills 90210, or Melrose Place? This is when we pretty much stopped watching tv.

During the 2000’s, we watched fewer and fewer tv shows as we drifted away from the loving embrace of the idiot box. That is not to say we didn’t watch tv, but it was more hit and miss and not something that we made our plans around. This is when we started to be corrupted by books. The more books we read, the more we were sucked into the never ending genres of romance. People like Sophie Oak, Mia Ashlinn, Melissa Schroeder, Heather Long and Corinne Davies just to name a few have kept our imaginations on a path to smutty goodness.

Do you remember these shows or were you captivated by something that Luna and I failed to mention?

Sinfully sarcastic,
Shmuttmeister and The Lost Lunatic