Nananana Hey Hey Goodbye

Are you singing that song yet? No? Do you want me to hum a few bars for you? Fine Mia, I will get on to the point of this blog. Yes, I know I suffer from blogger ADD. Today’s blog is about moving on from friendships.  At the best of times, it is bad and, if you are having personal problems, it is devastating. I have had both.

What causes you to lose your best friends vary. But, for the most part, it is the simple fact that you’ve grown apart. I know it sounds cheesy, but it is true in some cases, others not so much. So I am going to yammer on about things that I have had happen to me and some are from friends that I have spoken to about this subject. So no, these are not about any of you….. Well, maybe, they are.

 Some people are lucky enough to meet their best friends when they are young but most have several best-friends throughout their life. The hardest part of life to me is losing the friendships that have helped you through life. I mean how do you just let go of a friend who was there through the death of family, a divorce, or was your maid of honor at your wedding? These people are some of the most important people in your life. To me, this might be one of the hardest things a person ever goes through and some go through it several times.

I have never really had a best friend that I have told everything to (they always know that I am way too private for that). But I have had some great friends that I have had to let go of. My first close friend was one I made in grade school. She was a couple of years behind me, but we were from the same neighborhood. So she and I had some of the same life experiences. We went all through school together. But when I entered high school, she was still in seventh grade, and we kind of grew apart. When she became a freshman, we hooked back up again and then as what often happens, I graduated and she was still in school. For a few years, I moved away and when I came back, she had moved on. But we tried to rekindle our closeness. It just never really happened. I still think about her, but it is usually just when I am feeling kind of homesick for my small town.

I really haven’t lost another close friend, but I have lost a friend just because. We used to talk every day, but we found other things more important to us than our friendship. Another was a friend who lives in England. We lost touch when her computer died, and we (again) just kind of let the friendship go. I still see her on Facebook but the closeness is gone. See, most of mine are growing apart, but I do know of some that there was a reason for the split.

Sometimes there are lots and lots of drama involved and, to me, that’s the worst thing that could happen. Most of the drama is about hurt feelings or outside forces getting involved because, to me, a close friend already knows your secrets and loves you anyway. So it would be hard for them to just walk away. I am not saying this never happens but, to me, it would be a rare occurrence. I have had friends tell me that a friend violated a confidence or, what is worse, showed a lack of loyalty to not only them but also their friendship. If this happened to me, there is a good chance I would be hiding a body.

Now, how do you let a friend go? That is the big question. Sometimes it is talked to death because no one wants to just walk away. So there are endless phone calls and meetings and emails. This to me is just dragging out the inevitable. I would rather tell them or walk away and never see them again. Some say this is harsh and that the other person deserves to be heard. My friends know that I have a strict moral code and that there are consequences to betraying me. If they make a mistake, that is one thing. But when they do something that I feel has crossed the line then I will just walk away and cut them loose. I will wait in the tall grass and destroy them when they least expect it. Yes, I am a bit vindictive that way. I know it is not a nice thing, but I have never claimed to be nice.

I have held the hand of friends who have went through the long and drawn out break ups and there is a point that I have wanted to smack them and say, “Walk away. All you are doing is hurting yourself and the other person.” As my Adam would say, “Man up and let it go”.

I know. Easier said than done, right? But you have to decide what is better for you in the end and remember that you may never have another bestie like the one you are breaking up with. In the end, though, how good a friend were they if you are causing each other this much pain?

So, are you like me and want to just cut your losses early or do you do the drama route?

Sinfully Sarcastic,

Shmuttmeister