To me friendship should be a balance of the two people and not one person always being the needy one. Now, I am not going to lie and say that I won’t call you to bitch about my day or something but then again everyone needs someone to vent to. To me this is what friendship is about, having someone who you can vent to and know that they are willing to say get the fuck over it already. Your best friend should be able to make you laugh even on your worst days. They should make you feel better about yourself when you hang up the phone or walk away from them. Even if you are mad at them they should be the one that you think of first or second (depending on how much you like/love your spouse) when you get great or terrible news. They will suck it up and do things that they hate just to make you happy or talk you out of things if it is a terrible idea. This is what I consider a great friendship, but then again maybe I am wrong in what a friend should be.
I think I am a good friend but it seems like my kind of friendship is too much to ask of someone. I do not ask for a lot from a friend. I am not one of those people that will call you up all the time crying about this or that. I am way too private for that. I am more likely to be the one who calls and says “So I am in the pokey you want to hit the bail fund and come and see me?” I will keep your secrets and hold you when are crying or tell you to shut the fuck up and do something if you are in a bad situation. I will help you move or beat the crap out of someone for hurting you. This is what friendship should be.
Over the years I have had a few close friends but it seems like people can only take my kind of friendship for a few years before they decide to drop me as a friend. Oh, they say they are busy and just haven’t had a chance to call or they didn’t realize how long it had been since we have talked. I call bullshit on this. Now, I have no life and I freely admit it and I have ample time to talk to friends. I understand that people have families and other things to do so I try not to bother them too much. But what pisses me off to no end is when they find a new friend and then the time between calls gets farther and farther apart. And if by chance you do talk to them, most of the conversation is about their new friend. To me this is one of the worst acts of betrayal. It is like calling your ex who still loves you and telling them all about your new boyfriend. Why do that????
I used to count a few authors as friends and I found out that really I was just a dollar to them or a way to get ideas for promo or basically just to help them in their careers. I have found that a few betrayals of author friendship has now destroyed my love of reading. I have not read a new author in well over a year. I have barely been able to read my favorite authors new work. There are very few exceptions to this, one being Sherrilyn Kenyon. I have found a few authors and I like them as people but I have bought their books and nothing happens. I can’t seem to start their books. For a long time reader this is devastating. It really does make me want to cry.
I have spent thousands of dollars on conventions and found that I am just another number to most of the authors there; even ones that I thought were my friends. I may never go to another one again. I am not saying I have not met some amazing people there but to me it is just not worth the disappointment that I feel when I find out that someone I cared about just sees me as a dollar sign.
That being said I have pulled away from social media a lot and I am not sure I will ever come back. I will still run RP and post the blogs that I have written but I am not sure I will write anymore.