Wednesday, 1 January 2014

2013 in Review

                                                                      2013

I have decided to write a blog about what touched me in the last year. Mia will be so proud that I am sharing. She thinks I am too private sometimes. I decided to write this because I feel sometimes people get so wrapped up in their own lives that they forget there are more people out there. This is not a slam to anyone but as someone who only has my siblings and really no close friends, I tend to spend more time watching the news. I hope that this blog will bring home how much the world has changed in just a year. I have the worst memory in the world so I have to have a list of the top stories of the year open while I write this so I can remember when things happened. So here are the good, the bad and the ugly from 2013.  
I guess I get to start in January the most logical place.  President Obama being reelected was a no brainer for me and if you know me at all I am a very liberal person. Not much else seemed to make a huge impression on me personally. Most of you know I work in retail and people think that our busy season ends in December but we actually get busier in my part of the store. We have to change the look of the store and basically put it all back together after the holidays. I can remember how stressed and ready for my vacation I was at that time. I really started talking to Mia about the Romantic Times convention. We had talked about in the abstract but the New Year really brought home how close I was to seeing Mia and all my friends again. I had seen some of them in May but it seemed like it had been a lot longer than that.
Moving on to February.  Now I watch a lot of BBC America so the horsemeat in being found in food in the UK completely grossed me out and it made me more conscience of the food that I eat. I really started to look at buying local food where I know where it came from. I did notice as the year wore on though I forgot about the scandal and it became less important for me. I still try to buy local but sometimes it is just not practical or cost effective.
I remember seeing the story about the diamond heist in Brussels and having a conversation with my sister about if the people would be caught and how long it would take. Another story I remember was the Pope retiring. My mother was Catholic so I know how big a deal that is for Catholics. All the stories I read talked about how huge a deal it was that a Pope retired instead of dying in office.
March didn’t make much of an impression on me except for the civil unrest in Egypt. I felt that it was going to get worse and the country I always wanted to visit would be destroyed by war. I couldn’t help but worry not just about all the innocents that would be killed but the priceless history that would be lost. History is a passion of mine so this really hit me hard because I have wanted to see some of the treasures since King Tut came to the United States when I was a kid.
Margaret Thatcher passing away was the thing I remember from April. I grew up in the 1980’s. Yes, I know I am old. Anyway, Margaret Thatcher was a huge inspiration for girls even if you didn’t agree with her politics. She was very conservative but she was one of the first women who opened the door for all women in politics. She was tough and stood up to any man who told her she should just sit down and shut up. Her death brought home how much things had changed from the time when I was a kid and now. I had great respect for Mrs. Thatcher even when I didn’t agree all the time with her.
April also brought my nervousness about seeing people again. I know it is stupid but it is different talking to people online and sitting across from them at breakfast or lunch. I planned or plotted with Mia for weeks about our trip. It was only a long weekend but you would have thought it was going to be a month long.  It was a weird mixture excitement and apprehension.
For me May was one of the big highlights of my year. It started off with my trip to Kansas City with Mia. We spent our first night alone in KC. It was a fun just catching up with her. The rest of the weekend was spent hanging out with friends and seeing some of our favorite people. Sunday marked the end of RT and everyone heading home but for Mia and I it was the beginning of an amazing roadtrip. We left KC and drove though Kansas before heading back through Missouri to St. Louis. We had so much fun that it didn’t even seem like we spent 10 hours in a car. Monday marked the end of our trip and Mia’s flight home.
June was nothing special that I can remember. July brings one of my favorite holidays, America’s birthday. I know I am a dork but I always watch the musical 1776 on the Fourth of July. On a sad note it is also the month of my Momma’s birth so we try and go to her grave and lay flowers. It is also when my family tries to spend a weekend together. It is full of crazy people eating really unhealthy food. Not to mention it almost always rains.
August holds another great memory for me. I flew out to the wilds of Tennessee for a short visit with Mia before we headed to Savannah for Authors After Dark. Even though I was sick for a couple of days it was great spending time with Mia, her husband, The Geek and her daughter, Tigger. Savannah was all kinds of awesome. It rained the entire time we were there but it was still a lot of fun. One of the highlights for me was spending a lot of time with Jenn LeBlanc and Heather Long. The list of people we spent time with is way too long to list.

September though December always seems to be a blur for me with work being insane so not a lot of to report for me. I do always like the year in reviews because it reminds me of all the good and bad that happens in a year. So what do you remember from the year of 2013?

Sinfully Sarcastic, 
Shmuttmeister


Tuesday, 10 December 2013

Guest Blogger: Mia Ashlinn with a Perv-a-Licious Game Just For You


YOU MIGHT BE A PERVERT IF: CHRISTMAS EDITION


Every December, I put a Christmas twist on my favorite game, You Might Be a Pervert If... This year, I thought it would be highly appropriate (and slightly inappropriate) to play it out right here with my favorite pervs. Come on. It’s appropriate. Right? Or maybe, I’m just cheesy. Either way, here we go:

You might be a Christmas pervert ifyou build a dungeon in your gingerbread house.

Speaking of gingerbread, you might be a Christmas pervert ifyour gingerbread men are anatomically correct. (And boy oh boy, are they hung)

You might be a Christmas pervert if…you practice your oral skills on a candy cane. (Remember nice and slow. Long licks. But don’t stick it in too deep. You might cut your throat with that bad boy.)

You might be a Christmas pervert ifSanta used a Sharpie to write your name in big, bold black letters at the top of the Naughty List. (Face it, honey, you’re not getting off there. Ever.)

You might be a Christmas pervert ifyou think Xmas should be XXXmas.

You might be a Christmas pervert if….your favorite Christmas movie is Home Alone, the porno edition. (The night before their flight to Paris for the Xmas holiday, the Swallows family and closest friends gather at the Winnetka, Illinois home of Dick and Kitty Swallows. Their eight-teen-year-old son Willie is tormented by his girlfriend, Ivana Fuckalot, about his hard-on for the next door neighbor, who is outside shoveling the snow. After a fight and a nice, long fuck, Willie goes to the third floor of the house to clean up. While in the shower, he jerks off with images of his naked next door neighbor dancing in his head. As he cums, he wishes his girlfriend would disappear. During the night, an electrical outage resets the alarm clocks and causes his family, friends, and girlfriend to oversleep. In the confusion and rush to reach their flight on time, Willie is left behind. Everyone is unaware of the mistake until Ivana is joining the mile-high club with Willie’s two brothers, Dick Jr. and Harry. Once in Paris, Ivana tries desperately to book a flight home, but finds that all the flights are booked for the next two days. Never fear. Ivana convinces the clerks to put her on standby after a romp in the nearest restroom. The rest of the family and friends go to their relative's home in Paris, where they have a jolly old time. Meanwhile, Willie is all alone and very lonely. What’s a boy to do? Get fucked by the two criminals breaking into his parent’s house.)

You might be a Christmas pervert ifyour kids should be singing, “I saw Mommy Fucking Santa Claus” rather than “I saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus.”

You might be a Christmas pervert ifyou think one of the reindeer’s names is Fucker. (Can’t you just hear Santa screaming, “On Dasher and Dancer and Fucker and Vixen. On Comet and Cupid and Donder and Blitzen.”?)

You might be a Christmas pervert ifyou have exactly 69 sets of balls on your tree. (Now that’s a lot of balls.)

You might be a Christmas pervert ifyou use your red velvet ribbon for a little late night bondage.

You might be a Christmas pervert if…you substitute bondage tape for Scotch tape when you wrap your presents.

You might be a Christmas pervert ifyour mistletoe kiss is on your lips…the ones way down south.

You might be a Christmas pervert ifyour version of a wreath is a ring that wraps around your man’s cock.

You might be a Christmas pervert ifyou go to the local mall so you can sit on Santa’s lap. No need to tell him what you want for Christmas, you wicked woman.

So now, the question begging to be asked is “Are you a Christmas pervert?”

Wait. What am I thinking? I’m on the Pulpit with the Righteous Perverts' eyes on me (or on this blog, if you want to get technical). Y’all are the naughtiest, wickedest, filthiest-minded people I know. And I have no doubt your Christmas perverts. After all, y'all get your freaky on year round. No wonder I love you all.

Much love. Lots of kisses. And have a very merry, cherry Christmas!
-Mia