Nananana Hey Hey Goodbye

Are you singing that song yet? No? Do you want me to hum a few bars for you? Fine Mia, I will get on to the point of this blog. Yes, I know I suffer from blogger ADD. Today’s blog is about moving on from friendships.  At the best of times, it is bad and, if you are having personal problems, it is devastating. I have had both.

What causes you to lose your best friends vary. But, for the most part, it is the simple fact that you’ve grown apart. I know it sounds cheesy, but it is true in some cases, others not so much. So I am going to yammer on about things that I have had happen to me and some are from friends that I have spoken to about this subject. So no, these are not about any of you….. Well, maybe, they are.

 Some people are lucky enough to meet their best friends when they are young but most have several best-friends throughout their life. The hardest part of life to me is losing the friendships that have helped you through life. I mean how do you just let go of a friend who was there through the death of family, a divorce, or was your maid of honor at your wedding? These people are some of the most important people in your life. To me, this might be one of the hardest things a person ever goes through and some go through it several times.

I have never really had a best friend that I have told everything to (they always know that I am way too private for that). But I have had some great friends that I have had to let go of. My first close friend was one I made in grade school. She was a couple of years behind me, but we were from the same neighborhood. So she and I had some of the same life experiences. We went all through school together. But when I entered high school, she was still in seventh grade, and we kind of grew apart. When she became a freshman, we hooked back up again and then as what often happens, I graduated and she was still in school. For a few years, I moved away and when I came back, she had moved on. But we tried to rekindle our closeness. It just never really happened. I still think about her, but it is usually just when I am feeling kind of homesick for my small town.

I really haven’t lost another close friend, but I have lost a friend just because. We used to talk every day, but we found other things more important to us than our friendship. Another was a friend who lives in England. We lost touch when her computer died, and we (again) just kind of let the friendship go. I still see her on Facebook but the closeness is gone. See, most of mine are growing apart, but I do know of some that there was a reason for the split.

Sometimes there are lots and lots of drama involved and, to me, that’s the worst thing that could happen. Most of the drama is about hurt feelings or outside forces getting involved because, to me, a close friend already knows your secrets and loves you anyway. So it would be hard for them to just walk away. I am not saying this never happens but, to me, it would be a rare occurrence. I have had friends tell me that a friend violated a confidence or, what is worse, showed a lack of loyalty to not only them but also their friendship. If this happened to me, there is a good chance I would be hiding a body.

Now, how do you let a friend go? That is the big question. Sometimes it is talked to death because no one wants to just walk away. So there are endless phone calls and meetings and emails. This to me is just dragging out the inevitable. I would rather tell them or walk away and never see them again. Some say this is harsh and that the other person deserves to be heard. My friends know that I have a strict moral code and that there are consequences to betraying me. If they make a mistake, that is one thing. But when they do something that I feel has crossed the line then I will just walk away and cut them loose. I will wait in the tall grass and destroy them when they least expect it. Yes, I am a bit vindictive that way. I know it is not a nice thing, but I have never claimed to be nice.

I have held the hand of friends who have went through the long and drawn out break ups and there is a point that I have wanted to smack them and say, “Walk away. All you are doing is hurting yourself and the other person.” As my Adam would say, “Man up and let it go”.

I know. Easier said than done, right? But you have to decide what is better for you in the end and remember that you may never have another bestie like the one you are breaking up with. In the end, though, how good a friend were they if you are causing each other this much pain?

So, are you like me and want to just cut your losses early or do you do the drama route?

Sinfully Sarcastic,

Shmuttmeister

Effective Use Of Children For Marketing Erotic Books

Curious, aren’t you? What do children and the types of books often featured on The Righteous Perverts have in common? Admittedly, not much.

In 2008 my first book, Her Dark Master, is published by Red Sage Publishing. It’s official! I’m a published author! There is much rejoicing. I get a great cover (albeit one with a slight historical inaccuracy) and make a pretty cool trailer. At this point, I’d like to point out I’m a halfway intelligent human being AND a pretty good mom. You’d think I’d know better, but really, I think I was too darn excited about the book to think about what I was saying when my son, Dr. Kidlet, and friends wandered into my office and asked what I was doing. I told them I’d made a trailer for my book but they weren’t allowed to watch it. Really?! REALLY? Tell tweens not to do something? Good grief.

They come back a few minutes later and say “Nice trailer, mom, but what do whips have to do with romance?”

“They ride a lot of horses.”

They totally bought this for the next two years.

Right after the release of Her Dark Master, Dr. Kidlet started high school.

Cue Meet the Teachers night. I walk into the school ready to find out how I can help Dr. Kidlet (and his friends) succeed and transition to college. Instead…

Dr. Kidlet’s English Teacher:  “Dr. Kidlet and Friend A told me you’re a romance writer and you have a book out.” Long wink and (honestly!) a nudge with the elbow. “I can’t wait to read it. He gave me this bookmark with the cover and buy info.”

Dr. Kidlet’s Theatre Teacher:  “So, Dr. Kidlet says you’re a published author! Congratulations. I can’t wait to read it. Great bookmark, too!”

Friend B’s Algebra Teacher: “Ms. August, Friend B gave me this bookmark for your novel. Looks saucy. Is it?”

School Librarian: “I can’t order your book for the school, but I did buy it for my Kindle.”

And on and on and on. This was just the tip of the iceberg. During the course of the year, the teens pilfered my bookmark and postcard stashes and passed them out with programs at football games, band events, and other schools. I had no idea this was going on at the time.

Ah, how quickly they grow up. Remember when they believed whips in book trailers meant riding a lot of horses? Yeah, well, in sophomore year of high school, the newly-educated kids coined a term for my writing: Chick Porn.

CHICK PORN!!!

The first time they called it that, I about peed my pants. I didn’t know whether to laugh, cry, or pay someone for coming up with the term.

As the high school years went by and I had more books out, I had more swag to give away and they delighted in brainstorming ways to guerilla market for me. They had some really awesome ideas. Their brains hadn’t yet been tainted with the “No, you can’t do that” kind of mantra we often have as adults.

They left my literature in every city they visited, in public restrooms, in textbooks they turned back in at the end of the school year, even in yearbooks as they were handed out at the beginning of the next year. When our local grocery stores started carrying and aggressively marketing books by Sylvia Day and Maya Banks and Shayla Black, Friends A & C (who worked at said stores) slid my postcards into the middle of all the copies on the shelves (I’ll admit that was my idea, that time). I received several emails and sales because of this.

The last day of meeting with teachers came and I was a bit overwhelmed by the positive comments I received from them regarding my work. Most were supportive and had read some of my books (AWKWARD!) and all wished me luck with my career.

My favorite part, though, was when his English Teacher and the chair of the National Technical Honor Society, asked me for my autograph and a stack of bookmarks and postcards because she was going to a NTHS conference in New York later that summer. She wanted to hand them out for me. Wow.

Dr. Kidlet chose to go to a university to study medicine (hence his nickname) which has a huge Christian mindset. The entire summer before he left, I cautioned him over and over again about not mentioning what I do. By now I’d segued into ménage as well as bondage. I’m thinking a conservative Christian school and its students are not going to appreciate my swag.

The first time I visited him during college, I was instructed to bring swag, books, and a sharpie for signing autographs. I was shocked, to say the least. I even sold books to his professors. Holy crap.

Turns out, Dr. Kidlet completely ignored me, swiped some of my postcards and brochures and passed them out (judiciously, thank heavens) to people after he’d made some connections and assessments. My brochure, which has some pretty racy info and covers, hung in his dorm’s public study room for the entire year. A whiteboard beneath it had all the titles of my books that weren’t in the brochure, along with where-to-buy links.

I dropped him off last week for his sophomore year. I packed an entire box of swag for him to market me down there. He told me this weekend he’s already had texts and emails from friends asking what’s come out since last semester.  They are especially excited about Bound by His Blood, which comes out in October. He said the moment he told them they were “Vampire Bondage” books, there was much excitement.

So, there’s the saga of how my child and his friends helped market me, my books, and my swag for the last five years with pretty good success. He’s going to be a doctor, so I have at least ten more years to look forward to this. I’d better get to writing!

Jennifer August                                         

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