Tuesday, 5 February 2013


PEEEEERVVS!!!! First off, let me say how much I love the Righteous Pervs. The group is so much fun to be a part of, even when I don't have a ton of time to play around. I love to stop by and check on the posts, the hot dudes, the funny stufff. It always brightens my day.
So, here I am with a guest spot on the RP blog, and I figured, why not talk about my latest project. Look. I don't just write books, I create projects. My first novel, The Rake And The Recluse is illustrated. FULLY illustrated. Around 100 images included. Photographs. So when I say project, I mean... undertaking of epic proportions. The latest project is just another in the long line of ridiculousness that surrounds me on a daily basis. I'm recording the audio book for TRATR. SO. I decided, since I never go the easy way, why not do it up right? Everyone LOOOVES Derek, the man who portrays both brothers in my book, so why not put his voice to the grind and make him vocalize the men he has made so visually famous?
Oh... you need to be reminded who D is?


YEAH!!! Oh dear.
There was one rule of TRATR as far as D was concerned. He was NOT allowed to read my book. Ever. He was going to read my book. Aloud. With me. In the same room. Oh dear God shoot me whose idea WAS THIS ANYWAY!?!?!?! *dies*
Goodness sakes. Look, D is my best friend. He and I have experienced quite a bit together, between shoots and trips and whatnot, but fake sex?!!? NO. NONONONONONO. NO. This wasn't some place I wanted to go with him! But... here we go.
So I flew out to California on January 16th, we had one week to get this sucker in the bag.



D picked me up at the airport...



We built the studio



        We started recording.
And kept recording. Whenever D wasn’t training clients. We were in the box. It seriously got a bit nerve wracking.
After recording for a few days, it became PAINFULLY obvious that a week wasn't going to cut it. My book is over 230K. It's estimated at about 24 hours, for the audio. SO yeah, lots of talking, and that doesn't include retakes.
Something else happened. A cricket. Now, I hate spiders, creepy crawlies freak me out, but crickets? They don't bother me any unless they hop in my tea. This damned ridiculous bug was IN THE WALL. Not on the other side of the studio wall, not under the studio lining, INSIDE the wall. Cricketing. *critch* *critch* *critch* *critch* and OMFG we had to stop the recording because it was so loud. It was bad. Super bad.



        *Eff you cricket*
We termed it #CricketInterruptus on twitter. And I cussed a blue streak. Probably a green one and a red one as well.
So I extended my trip by a week, and then another two days. I got home on the 31st. I hit the wall so hard I wasn't sure I would even be able to get on the plane.
But we got it done. I also learned to walk again, and we went to the gym every single day, and D cooked healthy food and I even learned to cook a bit as well.
One night we got so burned out, and the cricket made a reappearance so we drove to the coast under the full moon and watched the surf. It was beautiful.
Anywhoo.



        Exhausting



        Sometimes even the soundwaves looked dirty.
That’s the story. I got to hang with D and his buddy James, together, they’re known as Renegade Fitness California.





        I actually got to take some pics of D on the last day. And I got to see the beach, during daylight.
If you want to see the crazy audio outtakes, and even a couple videos come visit my youtube channel here: http://www.youtube.com/illustratedromance.

D really has a beautiful voice. I guess it goes along with the pretty muscles.
Talk to ya tomorrow!!
*smooches*

Friday, 1 February 2013

Tina and Luna’s Boobathon



Yes, we are now tag-teaming the blogs. Everyone needs a partner in crime, and we are the Demented Duo. Our first blog together will be about something that we spend a lot of time playing with. We like to rub it and caress its various parts. It makes us laugh, giggle and even sometimes, it makes us giddy with anticipation. We like to hold onto it and feel its power to make men drool. Have you guessed what this blog is about yet? If you said tv and remote controls, you are correct. If not, you might be a member of the Righteous Perverts. 

As Luna and I are older than most of you, we remember the days of getting off your ass to change the channel. We remember the days that there were only three channels and, if you were lucky, you could pick up a local PBS station, too. If there was breaking news, you were screwed (and not in a good way) because all the channels ran the news and your shows were preempted.  We, as children, were also known as remotes because Mom/Dad would make us get up to change the channel. In a time where you can watch tv on your phone, you wouldn’t remember the big ass tv that had to stay in one place because it was too big and heavy to fucking move. 

In the good old days, all sex was innuendo. Nowadays you have teenagers having sex on the beach, and I am not talking about the drink. Even now there is still a censor in studio, but they will allow you to use certain dirty fucking words on tv. Genie couldn’t show her belly button. Lucy wasn’t pregnant. She was adding to the family, like she was just going to the hospital to pick up a baby like a takeout order. Mom’s stayed at home cleaning in her pearls and high heels while Dad went to some mysterious job. Now, most of the shows we are talking about are shows that we watched as reruns, because we are not that damn old, and Mia you can stop laughing now.

Television progressed as we got older. That Girl, Mary Tyler Moore, Rhoda and Maude became television icons. We can remember when these women were considered ground breaking trailblazers for women’s rights. Ann Marie and Mary were the first single women with careers. Rhoda was one of the first divorced women, and Maude was one of the most opinionated liberal women—then or now. Most of the shows we grew up watching were the brainchild of the great Norman Lear, who brought social awareness to the masses by humor and not preaching.

In the mid-seventies, one of our favorite shows began, Soap. Although it only ran for four seasons, it made a huge impact on television. Most of you know Billy Crystal from movies and hosting the Oscars, but we know him as Jody, the first openly gay character on television. This show was a fully functioning dysfunctional family. The parents were just insane. One daughter was a nymphomaniac having an affair with the priest. One son was blackmailed to kill his stepfather by the mob, the other son was a dummy who everyone talked to, and grandpa was still fighting World War Two. The smartest character on the show was the butler, Benson, who went on to have his own show.

Another hugely popular show from our childhoods was One Day at a Time. Ann Romano was a divorced single mother of two teenage daughters. This show brought to life some of the most hot button issues of the era. Teen drinking and sex were discussed many times during the run of the show. This was also one of the shows where it wasn’t just the parent raising the children. The girls had a surrogate father figure in the apartment supervisor, Schneider.

A never missed show was WKPR in Cincinnati. What an amazing cast of characters. Jennifer was the brilliant but hot secretary who ran the station instead of her boss, the clueless Mr. Carlson. Les Nessman was the nerdy newsman, Herb was the tackily dressed ad man, and Bailey was the shy assistant to Andy, who was the hot program director. The cool DJ’s were Johnny Fever and Venus Flytrap. This was one of the first shows that the music was as much a part of the show as the characters. Even though the show was a comedy, it still tackled some of the most important issues of the day. One that stands out for us was the stampede at The Who Concert where 11 people were crushed to death rushing for festival general admission seating at Riverfront Stadium.

This brings us to the resurgent of classic family sitcoms of the Eighties. Shows like Cosby, Growing Pains, and Family Ties. These shows brought the two parent family back to television. For some, these were must see television. They brought the Eighties to life, two professional parents raising their kids together. Some of the episodes tackled drugs and sex and the pressures of being a teen in the Eighties. These were important and very topical subject matter for sitcoms.

The Nineties brought drama back to television. Shows like ER, Law and Order, and The West Wing. These were some of the most well written and acted shows on television.  Most of the actors from these shows have huge careers now.  These are the shows I watched. This also brought shows geared toward teens and college students to tv. Who can forget the most popular zip code in America, Beverly Hills 90210, or Melrose Place? This is when we pretty much stopped watching tv.

During the 2000’s, we watched fewer and fewer tv shows as we drifted away from the loving embrace of the idiot box. That is not to say we didn’t watch tv, but it was more hit and miss and not something that we made our plans around. This is when we started to be corrupted by books. The more books we read, the more we were sucked into the never ending genres of romance. People like Sophie Oak, Mia Ashlinn, Melissa Schroeder, Heather Long and Corinne Davies just to name a few have kept our imaginations on a path to smutty goodness.

Do you remember these shows or were you captivated by something that Luna and I failed to mention?


Sinfully sarcastic,
Shmuttmeister and The Lost Lunatic